I still vividly remember (and cringe a little) when I proudly told everyone that I was going to be one of the top students in my program. I even announced that I’d double major in two barely related fields and join a bunch of clubs on top of that. Did I achieve at least one of those goals? Not at all – actually, not even close. Unfortunately, I flunked pretty hard in my first semester. I failed one course, dropped several courses, abandoned my double major plan, and found myself seriously questioning whether I should give up on my dream of becoming a doctor entirely. Honestly, I think I did give up for a while – on the dream, and on myself. I barely attended classes, slept in most days, and it was one of the darkest chapter of my life.
Before I begin, I’d like to add a quick trigger warning – this section gets a bit heavy and touches on mental health and emotional struggles. If you’re in a sensitive place, feel free to skip or come back to it when you are ready.
Struggles ?
Coming out of high school, I was used to being one of the “smart” students – so naturally, I was a pretty confident child. I truly believed I had everything under control. Looking back, I think that confidence made me underestimate just how big of an adjustment university would be – both emotionally and academically. Additionally, even though my university was relatively close to home, I chose to live in residence to get the full ‘away-from-home’ experience. That decision quickly turned out to be a terrible one.
As I mentioned, the biggest struggle I faced during that time was the interpersonal conflicts I had with the people around me. Honestly, it was a classic ‘chicken or the egg’ situation. I still don’t know if the stress and pressure caused the conflicts or if the conflicts made everything more stressful – probably both. Long story short, I had a major falling out with my roommate, who used to be one of my closest friends since middle school. Our lifestyle just didn’t align (I was a night owl, she was a morning bird) and it collided way too much that I could barely stay in the room, especially at night if I had to stay up late. Even if I were staying out just a little too late, I’d avoid going back to the room altogether — I was too anxious about waking her up and triggering more tension. Honestly, I ended up just studying and sleeping anywhere I can at night – most often, ending up spending nights in the library. That being said, I don’t blame my roommate for this. I’m sure it was also difficult for her to adjust to my schedule, and she was likely under a lot of stress herself. And after reconnecting with her, we’ve both decided to move past our differences.
Things also became strained with my partner (don’t worry – we made it through), and even my relationship with my parents started to unravel as well. All of this took a serious toll on me. I felt completely alone, like I had no real support system or anyone I could truly rely on.
And of course, another major struggle was the academics. With everything going on, my grades started to tank. I wasn’t sleeping properly at night, which meant I couldn’t wake up on time – and I ended up missing a lot of classes. By the end of my first semester, I had dropped 2 courses and failed one course. I can see now that I was struggling with significant mental health challenges. But at the time, I couldn’t bring myself to admit it or ask for proper help.
Finding my way back
After that big “F” landed on my transcript, I took the winter break to reflect on my situation. Honestly, it’s all a bit of a blur now, so it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what went through my mind back then. What I do remember clearly is the heavy feeling of doom – like everything was falling apart and that I had no future. It became clear to me that I needed to make a drastic change. Otherwise, I’d just keep spiralling deeper into that hole I was already in.
I started seriously considering what I should do moving forward. After many heartfelt conversations with my partner and my parents – relationships that I had thankfully repaired – I came to the conclusion that the best decision for me at that point was to pursue nursing. Knowing that I still wanted to stay in the healthcare field if medicine didn’t work out, nursing felt like the perfect path forward. It offered the opportunity to be involved in clinical work, to help others, and came with strong job prospects. On top of that, nursing spans across many specialties in and outside the hospital, which offered a wide range of possibilities for growth and exploration. At the time, medicine felt out of reach and I genuinely loved the idea of becoming a nurse, especially since my mom had once been a nurse back home. So, I redirected my focus and committed fully to pursuing nursing. With this new goal came a fresh sense of purpose and it motivated me to give my best effort moving forward.
One of the first things I did when school resumed was to meet with my academic advisor. I shared my situation honestly and asked for guidance on how to move forward. Unfortunately, what I was told was a harsh reality. My advisor, speaking from her experience, recommended that I consider dropping out for the time being and reapplying the following year when I’d be in a better place to succeed. She also explained that most students in my situation don’t bounce back quickly and that what I face ahead of me will be an uphill battle. I certainly understood her perspective, but I also believed in my ability to grow. I knew that with enough determination, I could improve and put in the effort needed to turn things around – and that’s exactly what I did.
Big Improvements!
My GPA the following semester nearly doubled. It wasn’t some magical turnaround to straight 4.0s, but considering I went from a sessional GPA of around 1.5 with three courses to a 3.1 across five courses, I saw it as a big success. I was still struggling with my mental health here and there, and I continued to avoid seeking the proper help (which, for the record, I really do recommend if you’re in a similar position). But things weren’t nearly as draining as they had been during that first semester. My grades continued to improve the following year, eventually achieving 3.8 in my last sessional GPA before moving onto my nursing degree.
You might be wondering what I actually did differently and what changed for me to pull myself out of that hole. Although there is no secret formula, here are the things I found helpful:
1. Having tangible goals
As I previously mentioned, I re-focused my goal toward becoming a nurse. To make that happen, I needed to improve my GPA quickly, which gave me a tangible, short-term goal. Having something clear and immediate to strive for helped anchor me. For the first time in a while, I wasn’t overwhelmed by vague expectations or long-term dreams – I had a concrete reason to try harder and stay disciplined, which helped massively.
Of course, this isn’t to say that you need to leave your current program or completely change your goals. What mattered most for me was learning to break down the big dream of becoming a doctor into smaller, achievable steps. Maybe for you, that looks like aiming to get on the dean’s list this year, joining one more club, or simply committing to a better routine. For me, that realization came a bit later – that I had been missing those short-term goals all along. I constantly scrutinized myself for not being “on track”, without even defining what that track should look like.
2. Removing myself from the environment
In hindsight, I now realize I was dealing with housing insecurity with my dorm situation – something I didn’t have the words for or fully understand until now as I write this. I needed more stability in my life, and trying to stay in residence wasn’t going to do me any good. So, I decided to leave and move back with my parents. Even though commuting would require more effort, I knew that having a safe and stable place to come home to where I could actually rest without added stress, was far more important for my well-being.
Looking back, this was one of the best decisions I made. Having a more secure and stable home environment gave me a sense of routine that helped me stay focused. I also felt far less isolated – being around my family more often meant I had regular interactions and support. That sense of connection made a huge difference in both my mental health and my ability to stay grounded. So sometimes (actually, most of the time), removing yourself from an environment that’s harming you can make all the difference.
3. Connecting with others
I mean, this goes without saying and I touched on this briefly earlier, but staying better connected with my family and friends was incredibly helpful. It didn’t have to be anything big. Even simple things like quick phone calls with friends, chatting about life, or sharing dinner with family made a meaningful difference. Those seemingly small moments brought comfort and reminded me I wasn’t alone.
4. Attending lectures (Of course)
Surprise, surprise — attending lectures and actually paying attention in them really does make a difference! For some odd reason, I believed I could just study on my own if I missed lectures, but that wasn’t true. There was also this idea floating around that skipping lectures was just part of the university experience, and I’ll admit – that sense of freedom got the best of me in my first semester.
When I attended lectures in person, I found myself much more engaged with the material, and I often made an effort to interact with my professors as well. Whenever allowed, I recorded the lecture and replayed them at my own pace at home to review and take more detailed notes. Moreover, I also collaborated with friends to compare notes and studied together whenever there were difficult concepts to grasp. All of these changes made a big difference and it really all started with recognizing the value of simply showing up to lectures. After all, I was paying for this education, so why not make the most of it?
5. Having a study schedule
Beyond attending lectures, I also started developing a more consistent study schedule and routine. For example, if the lecture slides were available ahead of time, I’d go through them or try to complete the assigned readings as much as I could. This was also where collaborating with friends were super helpful as we would often divide the responsibility of taking notes for assigned readings, saving a lot of time and kept me accountable to stay on top of my classes.
Then, after classes, I would re-listen to the lecture to take more detailed notes and ensure I didn’t miss anything important. Having the security of a recording allowed me to stay more present and focused during class. I wasn’t scrambling to jot down every word, and instead, I could really listen to what the professor was saying and absorb the content more meaningfully. And of course, I always asked for permission before recording, which most of my professors were happy to accommodate.
Another thing I started doing was really making use of my commute. Whether it was reviewing notes, studying, or even catching up on sleep sometimes, I tried to turn that otherwise “dead time” on the subway into something productive. In a weird way, it gave me a sense of work-life balance. Knowing I had used that time more productively, it made it feel more okay to relax once I got home. Sure, I could’ve used my commute to unwind, but I would rather save that time for when I’m in the comfort of my own home, not crammed into a subway seat!
6. Being self-compassionate
Last, but actually most important, was learning to be kind to myself. I realized I had been focusing too much on my failures – not getting an A, failing a course, missing lectures – and letting those define me. I felt like I was a “bad” student, which only pushed me further down into the hole. After making the necessary changes in my life, I understood how important it was to be proud of the progress I made. I pulled myself out of the worst place possible by focusing on my improvements rather than fixating on the outcomes. From this point on, I chose to be kinder to myself during difficult times rather than being hyper-critical. Overall, this made it so much easier to keep progressing!
You got this!
To anyone reading this – if you feel like you’re not good enough or find yourself in a place similar to where I once was, please know that you can do it. I was told countless self-limiting things – how it was impossible for someone like me to become a doctor, how I should drop out, how the odds were against me. But here I am today, years later, about to begin medical school. I won’t lie – it was a difficult battle. But with enough determination, persistence, and belief in yourself, I truly believe that anyone can make it. Be kinder to yourself, trust your pace, and remember that every small step forward counts!